I want to be noticed.
I’m in such a terrible.terrible.terrible mood right now. Maybe it’s because I haven’t written out everything that is going on in my life?
So, as of right now Blake and I are living at my mom and sister’s house. It’s awful. I like going for midnight drives. It helps to clear my head and make just a little bit more sane, basically it’s my “Abigail time.” But since I am here, I’m not allowed to leave the house after my sister goes to bed, which is usually around ten. Since I feel trapped, I can’t sleep. And since I can’t sleep, my brain is going to that terrible depressed and crazy place, which I really don’t have the energy to fight off right now.
And why are we staying here, and not in my apartment, which I worked very hard for and now miss dearly? Because Blake’s family refuses to tell us where the job is that he’s taking. He’s supposed to be working with his step dad on the pipelines in Texas, now they’re saying that it might it be in Missouri. They were supposed to have an answer for us last week. Also, his mom promised to get us a U-Haul so that we could move all of crap down to Texas (or wherever) and she is now refusing to do that because she doesn’t realize how much they cost…
Then I had my gall bladder removed right after Christmas, which has also postponed our move. Now I can’t even help pack or do anything. And I still have two more doctor visits to go, but as soon as I’m in the clear, we’re packing up and moving to stay with his mom in Texas. Hooray for mooching off irresponsible parents!!
Also, yesterday was my birthday. Once again, nobody really cared. Yeah my mom and sister took me to Red Robin for dinner. Yeah, Blake felt terrible for not getting me anything because we have to save all of our money for gas to move. But, I can’t pretend that it doesn’t hurt when you wake up on your 20th birthday to no texts, phone calls, presents…anything.
That’s when it hit me that I have absolutely no friends anymore. Sure, there’s people at Hastings that I talk to every time I go in there. But they’re work friends, and they’ll never really be anything more for me. Because I’m a toxic person. I make friends really easily, but they never hang out with me, or really talk to me. So I guess that means they’re not really my friends, are they? I seriously don’t have anyone that I consider to actually be my friend. I’ve been marathoning Desperate Housewives since I had my surgery, and I would kill for the kind of friendships displayed on that show. I want a group of girls that I can get together with on a regular basis just to talk to about our lives. I want to help them through tough times, and receive the same kind of support when I have problems.
I know it’s just me dreaming, but I just want a friend.
Just one.
I just want someone, other than Blake, to care.
Anyone really.
Just someone.
-I just had my gall bladder taken out 3 days ago.
-My family wants to ignore my birthday which is on the 6th.
-I don’t know where or when I’m moving (It’s either going to be Missouri or Texas)
-I have to stay with my family until I get healed up because we have to be out of the apartment by the 5th.
Things that I’m not annoyed with:
-My pain medication.
I’m so grateful to not have a long distance relationship anymore. I can’t believe how many I went. It seriously warped my view of what was acceptable in relationships. I can’t imagine not coming home to Blake every night. I am genuinely in love and in the first real relationship of my life and I couldn’t be happier.
This is the real deal.
Wedding Show Cupcakes by The Clever Little Cupcake Company (Amanda) on Flickr.
This is becoming a cupcake appreciation blog.
This would make an excellent poster.
I have no clue when to sleep anymore and I have problems figuring out what day it is..
I bought my first Pokemon game about a week ago and I’ve clocked a lot more hours than can be healthy already.
What can ya do?
Not homework, that’s what.
She was such a cute and loving puppy… I know I had to get rid of her… But I really really miss her.
I want this for my birthday..
(Source: noviadesatanas)
Chocolate Peanut Butter Cupcakes
Source - http://www.seriouseats.com/recipes/2011/11/chocolate-peanut-butter-cupcakes-buttercream-recipe.html
Ingredients
yield: 10 cupcakes, active time 1 hour, total time 3 hours
For the Chocolate Cupcakes:For the Peanut Butter Buttercream:
- 3/4 cup all purpose flour
- 1/3 cup cocoa powder
- 3/4 teaspoon baking soda
- 1/2 teaspoon salt
- 1/2 cup plus 2 tablespoons granulated sugar
- 1/2 cup buttermilk
- 1/3 cup vegetable oil
- 1 large egg
- 1 teaspoon pure vanilla extract
For the Chocolate Coating:
- 1/2 cup granulated sugar
- 2 large egg whites
- 1/8 teaspoon salt
- 12 tablespoons softened unsalted butter, cut into 1/2-inch pieces
- 1 cup peanut butter
- 2 teaspoons pure vanilla extract
- 8 ounces semi-sweet chocolate, finely chopped
- 1 1/2 tablespoons vegetable oil
Procedures
Adjust oven rack to middle position and heat oven to 350°F. Line muffin pan with 10 cupcake cups. In medium bowl, whisk flour, cocoa, baking powder, and salt until combined; set aside.
In large bowl, whisk sugar, buttermilk, oil, egg, and vanilla until combined and smooth. Whisk in dry mixture until smooth. Spoon batter into cupcake cups, dividing evenly. Bake until center is just set, about 25 minutes. Let cool in pan 10 minutes, then transfer cupcakes to wire rack to cool completely.
While cupcakes are cooling, prepare the buttercream. In bowl of standing mixer, whisk sugar, egg whites, and salt until combined. Set bowl over pan of simmering water and gently whisk until mixture registers 160 degrees F on instant read thermometer. Immediately transfer to mixer fitted with whisk attachment. Whip on medium-high speed until mixture resembles shaving cream and is just cool. On medium speed, whip in butter, one piece at a time, until combined and creamy. Add peanut butter and vanilla and beat until smooth. Transfer buttercream to pastry bag fitted with a plain 1/2-inch tip (#808).
Pipe about 1/3 cup frosting onto each cupcake. Chill cupcakes in fridge until buttercream is completely firm, about 1 hour.
When cupcakes have chilled, make the chocolate coating. Place chocolate and oil in a medium bowl and place over a pan of barely simmering water. Gently whisk until chocolate has just melted and mixture is smooth. Transfer to a large mug.
Holding cupcake by the bottom, carefully dip in chocolate to submerge all of the frosting. Pull up and let excess chocolate drop off for a few seconds before turning cupcake right side up. Transfer to cooling rack and repeat with remaining cupcakes. Let cupcakes rest a few minutes to allow chocolate to set and buttercream to soften before serving.
Nom.
Maybe these too..
