I’m in such a terrible.terrible.terrible mood right now. Maybe it’s because I haven’t written out everything that is going on in my life? 

So, as of right now Blake and I are living at my mom and sister’s house. It’s awful. I like going for midnight drives. It helps to clear my head and make just a little bit more sane, basically it’s my “Abigail time.” But since I am here, I’m not allowed to leave the house after my sister goes to bed, which is usually around ten. Since I feel trapped, I can’t sleep. And since I can’t sleep, my brain is going to that terrible depressed and crazy place, which I really don’t have the energy to fight off right now.

And why are we staying here, and not in my apartment, which I worked very hard for and now miss dearly? Because Blake’s family refuses to tell us where the job is that he’s taking. He’s supposed to be working with his step dad on the pipelines in Texas, now they’re saying that it might it be in Missouri. They were supposed to have an answer for us last week. Also, his mom promised to get us a U-Haul so that we could move all of crap down to Texas (or wherever) and she is now refusing to do that because she doesn’t realize how much they cost… 

Then I had my gall bladder removed right after Christmas, which has also postponed our move. Now I can’t even help pack or do anything. And I still have two more doctor visits to go, but as soon as I’m in the clear, we’re packing up and moving to stay with his mom in Texas. Hooray for mooching off irresponsible parents!!

Also, yesterday was my birthday. Once again, nobody really cared. Yeah my mom and sister took me to Red Robin for dinner. Yeah, Blake felt terrible for not getting me anything because we have to save all of our money for gas to move. But, I can’t pretend that it doesn’t hurt when you wake up on your 20th birthday to no texts, phone calls, presents…anything.

That’s when it hit me that I have absolutely no friends anymore. Sure, there’s people at Hastings that I talk to every time I go in there. But they’re work friends, and they’ll never really be anything more for me. Because I’m a toxic person. I make friends really easily, but they never hang out with me, or really talk to me. So I guess that means they’re not really my friends, are they? I seriously don’t have anyone that I consider to actually be my friend. I’ve been marathoning Desperate Housewives since I had my surgery, and I would kill for the kind of friendships displayed on that show. I want a group of girls that I can get together with on a regular basis just to talk to about our lives. I want to help them through tough times, and receive the same kind of support when I have problems.

I know it’s just me dreaming, but I just want a friend. 

Just one.

I just want someone, other than Blake, to care.

Anyone really.

Just someone.